I followed a path along a narrow wooded stream for a while and then, turning down a side-street, found myself in a typical suburb: wide-open streets lined with well-manicured shrubs, impeccable lawns and, beyond those, rows of large dwellings sat quietly in the early dusk. For all their normalcy, there’s an indelible strangeness to the suburbs, I’ve always thought, particularly in the more unsociable hours: their stillness can make them seem uninhabited, as though all the houses have been calmly and methodically abandoned. After about fifteen minutes of walking down one long, deserted street and then another, and another, each seeming to lead me somewhere without ever quite arriving there, I conceded that I had lost my bearings, vanished from the small patch of the area I knew.
I grew up in a suburb very much like to this, another conurbation in commuting distance of a large town, and still feel very much at home whenever I visit a similarly unassuming backwater. In fact, the history of such places is itself an unassuming backwater in the broader story of human habitation. Although it found its locus in the interwar period, the suburb was a phenomenon of the nineteenth century middle-class boom and its genteel appeal has remained the promise of quiet order, manageable ruralness, humdrum tranquillity and, above all, security. Huddled together in their tamed acres, homes here are hard for an opportunistic criminal to stumble upon, respectable local residents being the only unlikely threat. And with so many houses – and so many interchangeable – what possible likelihood is there of ever being singled out for a break-in?
And yet, I reflected, fear dwells in such places. Not just in the gated driveways, hi-tech security systems and Bluetooth house alarms which surrounded me. Often, places such as these have always seemed to me characterised by an air of low-level mistrust.
The night had begun to gather around me – with a suddenness, as it does in Suffolk in winter – streetlights flickered on unseen, the cold began to dig in, wind blew, my daughter whimpered sleepily. I was thinking about fear but, easily distracted, had still not given any thought to the story I was trying to write. Fear is almost always experienced through fantasy, it is an instinct powered by imagination, one which finds its true potency after the sun has set. As I continued wandering alongside glowing windows figures within turned to watch me, a stranger passing by their snug-looking homes – an evident rarity – and I wondered what I must have looked like to them. A night-prowler? A drug-dealer? A dog-kidnapper whose captives are concealed in a seemingly innocuous pram? A familiar phrase – Why does he gallop and gallop about? – came into my mind and I found myself darkly enjoying my role as the man in the shadows. For some of us, those who are fortunate enough to have been born into such places, with so little to materially endanger us, the unsafe – darkness, mystery and disruption – develops something of an allure. The night, and all it represents, becomes something to be enjoyed and engaged with.
I continued, walking and singing to my daughter. After rounding one winding street onto yet another, I put the brake on the buggy and opened the map on my phone. Whilst waiting for the app to load, I looked at the house in front of which I had stopped. On the lawn there was a boat – a yacht – covered with a weathered tarpaulin sheet and sinking into the grass, the buckled wheels of its chassis visible in the fluorescent light, a rusting, mossed-over monument to the dreams of whoever lived here. I stared at the yacht for some time, still waiting for the app, but it was no good – no signal out here. I resumed walking, thinking my formless thoughts – inspiration, imagination, anxiety, the past and the present. Where do these intersect? Where do they divide?
Why does he gallop and gallop about?
Towards the back of my mind my thoughts had fixed on these words. They come from a book I’d owned as a boy, a slim anthology of poems for children titled Spine Tinglers, published by Ladybird and edited by Ian and Zenka Woodward, a couple (presumably) about whom I’ve been unable to learn anything, other than that they edited a handful of similar titles: Poems That Go Bump in the Night, Witches’ Brew: Spooky Verse for Halloween, The Howling Pandemonium and Other Noisy Poems. Although, as a boy, I amassed a sizeable library of books on monsters, ghosts, vampires and the like (always reliable gifts for relatives – still are), Spine Tinglers was a steadfast favourite, perhaps because, although it contained works by dully respectable names like Shakespeare, Rudyard Kipling and Robert Louis Stevenson, they were legitimized for my Ghostbusters sensibilities by the accompaniment of ghoulish cartoon illustrations.
Whenever the moon and stars are set,
Whenever the wind is high,
All night long in the dark and wet,
A man goes riding by.
Late in the night when the fires are out,
Why does he gallop and gallop about?
Whenever the trees are crying aloud,
And ships are tossed at sea,
By, on the highway, low and loud,
By at the gallop goes he.
By at the gallop he goes, and then
By he comes back at the gallop again.
Later, when I went to university, I would learn that, a little like myself, Stevenson had been a nervous child, one who had been afflicted by what would today be termed sleep paralysis, the phenomenon whereby the safety of sleep becomes transmuted into a heightened terror. Visions of a particular shade of brown, powerless when thought about in the daylight, would strike horror at night; he received visits from a ‘night-hag’ who would stoop over his bed, at times even seizing up his paralysed body by the throat; invariably he would awake in a cold sweat, breathless and contorted. He also experienced vivid nightmares, no doubt fuelled by his infatuation with the gruesome folk tales related to him by his much-loved family nurse, the unfortunately named Cummie: dreams of panic, brutality and unconscionable degradations. When awake, he also, as ‘Windy Nights’ suggests, had a powerful loathing for storms. ‘I remember,’ he is quoted as saying, ‘that the noises on such occasions always grouped themselves for me into the sound of a horseman, or rather a succession of horsemen, riding furiously past the bottom of the street and away up the hill into town; I think even now that I hear the terrible howl of his passage, and the clinking that I used to attribute to his bit and stirrups. On such nights I would lie awake and pray and cry, until I prayed and cried myself asleep.’
A small storm was now congregating over my scrap of suburb: the wind had picked up, rain was beginning to fall, my daughter began to grumble. I pressed on quickly, passing the endless implacable houses, all their curtains now drawn, until I found I was once again alongside the stream, babbling forcefully in the darkness. I followed it upstream, grateful to finally be free from the meandering ouroboros of silent streets, trying again to think of my story – I could make one of my female protagonists a man, could bring a scene from later in the story to the opening, could remove a section of back-story – but I found I was unable to fully shake my thoughts free from ‘Windy Nights’.
Why does he gallop and gallop about?
Why indeed? On the surface the poem is a simple, descriptive exercise based around Stevenson’s childhood dread. But, as I took the final familiar path to the house where I was staying, it occurred to me that the poem could also easily be taken for being about inspiration, darkly assailing, receding and then once again galloping back to assail. In fact, for many, possibly for Stevenson, the two – fear and the imagination – are hardly divisible.
Indeed, it seemed to me that only when we are safe – I unlocked the front door and pushed the buggy into the hallway as quietly as I could, the occupants all no doubt still soundly asleep in their beds – are we free to dream up our threats.
An earlier version of this post originally appeared on The Workshy Fop.