Due to complaints from the handful of regular ITITYTWITC readers (hello, mum and Professor Snuggles, her cat), here's a non-illegible version of the above picture, with the final visual gag made all the more hilarious by being totally removed and instead explained in words...
End Credits
Brad Bradbrad……Guy Workaday
Mary Goodenwright…… Camomile Homespun
Rivalton Shatworthy…. Hugh ‘The Blackguard and Bounder’ Grant
Temptania D’Ample……Jizzella Rider
Chummy Crackwise…… James Corden
Ethic Rex ……Ahmed Wang-Jones
Professor Claw, Well-Known Cackling Tyrant Of ‘Insane Crab Mountain’…… Lazlo St. Croix
Insatiable Ghost of Horny David Crosby……Pablo Redbush
Foul-Mouthed Papier-Mache Winston Churchill……Philip Seymour-Hoffman
Clitoroid, The Clattering Robot Clitoris…… Cueball Fuerrega
Giant Evil Baby……Rusty Murnau
Crazed Withered Vagina…… Melanie Phillips
Lonely Clam……Mimsie de la Crudette
Pops Rocco, the Hideously Burned Clown…… Uncle Merle, the Hideously Burned Clown
Drunken Astronaut Firing Imaginary Tear-Gas Into Zoo Enclosures……Nikolai Holdall
Klaus, The Autistic Goatboy Trapped In A Karaoke Machine……Chester Eggwhite
Nurse Dragged Into Mosquito-Being Underworld By Possessed Klansman……Agnes Hendrix
Angry But Basically Decent Breakdancing Rapist……Noddy Dawkins
Jive-Talking Knife Wound…… Jamjar Lazarus
Escaped Chimp in the Tunnel of Love……. Asquith Treeves-Brambledale
Sarcastic Soufflé…… Hettie Slugblossom
Voice of God…… Sue Pollard
Haunted Banjo……Patch ‘Anti-Semite’ Hickock
Masturbating Snowman…… Curly Brownmark
Music:
‘Music To Attempt To Mug Principal Characters For Plotting Reasons By’ performed by T-Bag and the Mad Dunkrz (© Wee Thugg Records)
‘Let’s Work Together And Get Stuff Done’ performed by Lou Hewitt (© Montage Sequence Archives)
‘My Love For You Will Immolate The Universe Forever’ by Hettie Snitch and her Ballads Of Power (© Lovewolf Music inc.)
Incidental Music By Glenn Branca, George Maciunas and Derek Bailey
Ticking Clock sounds provided by Michael Buerk
The Hands of The Insatiable Ghost Of Horny David Crosby provided by David Crosby
Delicious Gelatine-Based Bonbons provided by Wild Mama Briggatucci’s Catering co. Man, they were delicious. Seriously. You should’ve been there. The lemon ones weren’t really to my taste, but the strawberry were to die for. And I don’t want you to think I’m the sort of credit sequence copywriter who uses phrases like ‘to die for’ at the drop of a hat. These bonbons - I’ve never tasted anything like them before in my life. The whole cast and crew said the same. All of them. Except Cueball. He wasn’t too keen on the gelatine - said he could taste the pork. Which you could, to tell you the truth. But that just added to the flavour. One day Mama Briggatucci brought in some Toffee flavour ones, but they all got snapped up right away. My wife visited me on-set that day. Said I shouldn’t really be hanging around at the studio whilst they’re filming as I’m only getting paid for the hour or so it takes me to put together a credit reel. And that my studio pass, made mostly out of macaroni and an old cassette tape, was an obvious forgery which would eventually get me fired. I told her though - I said ‘Look, honey. I want to be in the pictures. You’ve got to start somewhere. Sure I’m writing credit-rolls at the moment, but some day MY name’ll be up on the screen.’ She didn’t believe me - she cried and called me ‘an alcoholic fantasist’ - but now I’m gonna prove her wrong! I’m gonna put my name right here, at the end of the credits where everyone can see. Y’see, honey. You should’ve believed in me! My name is [at this point the Universal logo blocks the guy's name. See, it's funny, right? Because it was all leading up to him revealing his name. It's a credit-roll sequence. ]
Written by Chalkie Hackright
Directed by Blaze Fiveiron
End Credits
Brad Bradbrad……Guy Workaday
Mary Goodenwright…… Camomile Homespun
Rivalton Shatworthy…. Hugh ‘The Blackguard and Bounder’ Grant
Temptania D’Ample……Jizzella Rider
Chummy Crackwise…… James Corden
Ethic Rex ……Ahmed Wang-Jones
Professor Claw, Well-Known Cackling Tyrant Of ‘Insane Crab Mountain’…… Lazlo St. Croix
Insatiable Ghost of Horny David Crosby……Pablo Redbush
Foul-Mouthed Papier-Mache Winston Churchill……Philip Seymour-Hoffman
Clitoroid, The Clattering Robot Clitoris…… Cueball Fuerrega
Giant Evil Baby……Rusty Murnau
Crazed Withered Vagina…… Melanie Phillips
Lonely Clam……Mimsie de la Crudette
Pops Rocco, the Hideously Burned Clown…… Uncle Merle, the Hideously Burned Clown
Drunken Astronaut Firing Imaginary Tear-Gas Into Zoo Enclosures……Nikolai Holdall
Klaus, The Autistic Goatboy Trapped In A Karaoke Machine……Chester Eggwhite
Nurse Dragged Into Mosquito-Being Underworld By Possessed Klansman……Agnes Hendrix
Angry But Basically Decent Breakdancing Rapist……Noddy Dawkins
Jive-Talking Knife Wound…… Jamjar Lazarus
Escaped Chimp in the Tunnel of Love……. Asquith Treeves-Brambledale
Sarcastic Soufflé…… Hettie Slugblossom
Voice of God…… Sue Pollard
Haunted Banjo……Patch ‘Anti-Semite’ Hickock
Masturbating Snowman…… Curly Brownmark
Music:
‘Music To Attempt To Mug Principal Characters For Plotting Reasons By’ performed by T-Bag and the Mad Dunkrz (© Wee Thugg Records)
‘Let’s Work Together And Get Stuff Done’ performed by Lou Hewitt (© Montage Sequence Archives)
‘My Love For You Will Immolate The Universe Forever’ by Hettie Snitch and her Ballads Of Power (© Lovewolf Music inc.)
Incidental Music By Glenn Branca, George Maciunas and Derek Bailey
Ticking Clock sounds provided by Michael Buerk
The Hands of The Insatiable Ghost Of Horny David Crosby provided by David Crosby
Delicious Gelatine-Based Bonbons provided by Wild Mama Briggatucci’s Catering co. Man, they were delicious. Seriously. You should’ve been there. The lemon ones weren’t really to my taste, but the strawberry were to die for. And I don’t want you to think I’m the sort of credit sequence copywriter who uses phrases like ‘to die for’ at the drop of a hat. These bonbons - I’ve never tasted anything like them before in my life. The whole cast and crew said the same. All of them. Except Cueball. He wasn’t too keen on the gelatine - said he could taste the pork. Which you could, to tell you the truth. But that just added to the flavour. One day Mama Briggatucci brought in some Toffee flavour ones, but they all got snapped up right away. My wife visited me on-set that day. Said I shouldn’t really be hanging around at the studio whilst they’re filming as I’m only getting paid for the hour or so it takes me to put together a credit reel. And that my studio pass, made mostly out of macaroni and an old cassette tape, was an obvious forgery which would eventually get me fired. I told her though - I said ‘Look, honey. I want to be in the pictures. You’ve got to start somewhere. Sure I’m writing credit-rolls at the moment, but some day MY name’ll be up on the screen.’ She didn’t believe me - she cried and called me ‘an alcoholic fantasist’ - but now I’m gonna prove her wrong! I’m gonna put my name right here, at the end of the credits where everyone can see. Y’see, honey. You should’ve believed in me! My name is [at this point the Universal logo blocks the guy's name. See, it's funny, right? Because it was all leading up to him revealing his name. It's a credit-roll sequence. ]
Written by Chalkie Hackright
Directed by Blaze Fiveiron
